My daughter's really taken by you. ... I suppose I've not done anything to discourage her. Not that I want to, or wanted to, or... I don't even really know. Whether I should have, I mean. Neither do I. Frankly, I'd prefer she not be. But I don't want to control her - or you - that way. I understand, Mister Ueda. Honestly, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do in this situation. I'm attracted to your daughter, and all, and I think it's great that she likes me when I'm *not* shifted, but old habits are really hard to break, and I'm afraid I'll hurt her if I don't turn her away, and I'll hurt her if I do. Well... I never thought I'd be having this talk, but. You know the cliche that states that love (here, the thought "love" encompasses a lot more than just that) is a painful thing? That's because it's true. You are going to hurt my girl. Probably. I don't see how I can't. I don't want to, but it's... it's unavoidable. Let's start with this. What do you want? I don't mean to be coy, Mister Ueda, but that's a question with a lot of answers. I want to not hurt Rei, I want to not be killed or made a pariah for what I am, I want to not have to worry about whether or not every little thing I do is "good" or "bad" or "right" or "wrong." * Shigeru chuckles. "Overloaded by moral lessons, I see." Quite. I suspect everything would be easier if I could do what a doppelgager does without actually being one, but you can't win 'em all. What, a serial killer? Err... I sometimes forget that 'normal' people can act like doppelgangers too. Nevermind. It's perfectly within our capabilities, amazingly enough. You just have an edge. And an excuse. Yes, well, I don't think my people were meant to be pacifists. I know I'm far from it, but as far as I can tell I'm a saint among doppelgangers. Sure I'm hardwired to be one of the most gifted murderers of our time, but that's not what I want. So I bleed those destructive urges off with other things... they're still ultimately hurtful, I suppose, but... I did some research on doppelgangers recently, actually. But I'm afraid I can't hold you up to the standards of your race. You're not living in a doppelganger society. That's very true. I've been living with my mom's family for longer than I ever did with my own parents. They're the ones who taught me to be less dangerous to other people, but I still have my vices. I don't know if it's the same with humans, but power is a very difficult thing not to exploit. * Shigeru laughs. He sounds genuinely amused. "It's exactly the same." * Makoto sounds somewhat relieved at that assurance. "Well, there you go. I can't *not* shapeshift. It comes as naturally to me as breathing, or sleeping, or any other bodily function you care to name. But I have to do something with it, Mister Ueda. For a while it was so hard not to try and hurt people that the only consolation I had was tricking them instead." I see. What about now? Well... There wasn't anything really wrong with being deceptive when I was small, but once I hit fourteen or so... Well, it was too much to resist. I had to do *something* with this power, if not hurt people, and there were so many... well, women, and so many of them had very short-term desires. It surprised me, at first, because you always hear about how women look for all of this sensitive, intelligent stuff in guys... I don't know, but I met more of the "other" kind than I did those. And now... now it's hard to stop. I've been doing it for about six years now and this is the first time it's ever been a problem. I know. The things I picked up when... Ah. It's a problem because you care. Right. Not that that helps, much. I'm most likely going to keep doing it. It's just that now I'll hate myself for it afterwards. Most likely. Why not do something about it? How would I do that? The only solution I can think of is to spend as many waking hours as possible as a child or a woman. If I do it long enough, my hormones will actually shift a little to accommodate the body. Once I got this part in a play... it was the leading female role. I stuck to it so long that after a few months I started bleeding once a month. * Shigeru sends a mental wince. "Okay, that's not what I meant." Well, I don't know how... restraint isn't something you just learn overnight. If at all. You can learn it. But... But? * Shigeru carries a slight frown with this thought. "It's hard changing who you are." If you want what's best for Rei, though, you will try. Or you'll let her down gently. Or maybe the impossible will happen and she'll let you do it, but... I can't judge. As her father, I'd rather she be locked away and never have to deal with this. * Makoto gives the equivalent of a mental grunt. "It's not so hard changing who you are, sir. Character acting is tough, but certainly possible. It's harder changing *what* you are, I think. But... I understand." Not all of us can change our appearance with a thought. And I've met few actors as talented as you are. But yes, you know what I mean. I could... * Makoto sounds almost timid. "I could try to character-act as a Makoto who's not such a bastard?" (Aww. That makes me wanna hug him.) ( Hee! ) Would he still be you? * Makoto manages a telepathic grin. He's getting the hang of this. "Well, not exactly. For starters, I'd have to find something to occupy all of the spare time I'll suddenly have." * Shigeru chuckles. You could ask Rei for some pointers. I honestly have no idea how she handles the extra eight hours she gets every night. That's a good idea, sir. Except... I wouldn't want to pick up too many of her habits in the place of mine. I think Rei is great and all, but do you really think the world would be a better place with two of her? I love my daughter with all my heart, and I'm extremely proud of her, and I think she's unique for a reason. Asahara. God, I hate- sorry about that. Leaked. She is that. I'd add a "very" to the sentence, but I know that's redundant so I won't. * Shigeru snickers. Don't worry, Mister Ueda. I think I've heard enough about Asahara from Rei to empathize with your feelings on the subject. Not as fiercely as you do, certainly, but... Nobody should. I just realized something... Yes? Your thought voice and your speaking voice are different. I guess physics will do that. Everyone's is. I think it has to do with what you think you should sound like. That's so cool. I know I've said this before, sir, but don't be surprised if I try to find excuses to visit you again some time down the road. This telepathy thing is like a drug. * Shigeru sends a mental nod. "There were times, when I was younger, when I wished I didn't have these abilities. As you said, if you don't have the power, you can't take advantage of it." But as soon as I ran across someone I couldn't read, or couldn't sense, I was at a loss. I don't know if I could handle a day without it. * Makoto responds with an invisible nod of his own, though his style is much less refined than Shigeru's and it sounds rather like the grunt he offered earlier. So. You will look out for my daughter? Yes, sir. I will. I suppose I can't ask for much more than that. Take care of her. (No threat behind that. But there doesn't exactly need to be one. ^^) ( Heh. No, there doesn't. ) * Makoto sends a sort of wordless assent back across the telepathic link. There doesn't seem to be anything left to 'say.' * Shigeru lets it drop. If Makoto wants to say anything, all he needs to do is think it loudly enough. (Makoto's next thought: Sucker! I heard that. D'oh.) ( Hah! )